you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
