Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
