I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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