Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
