I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
