you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
