Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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