just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
