i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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