I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
two words: eviction party
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had to cum in my sink.
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