It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
