I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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