so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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