he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
