I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
