He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
