we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
