I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
