So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.