can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..