how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.