Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Someone came in the potted fern
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
