My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My nipple is on Facebook.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
