Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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