can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
