Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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