ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
