No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
