oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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