I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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