I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
