I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
