I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
