thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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