i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
