I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
