I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
