I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just cut my nipple shaving
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Panties = found
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
