I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
