I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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