you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
