seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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