I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
