I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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