Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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