Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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