i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
