i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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