I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
try to milk me bitch
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