Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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