Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
