Capitaan dildo arrescate!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
