did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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