i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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