Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
