Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
