Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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