I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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