You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
