Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
