Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
