I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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