You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
