We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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