Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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