Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
