And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
