escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
