I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
