just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
