I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
