I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
