Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
