Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
