Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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