dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
