If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
