I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
