Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
